Hi de Hi, burger and Fries!

There are some place names that when you hear them don't come up a vision of quiet idyllic hideaways. Marbella has always been one of these for me.

For the last four years I've had the pleasure of directing the McDonald's UK AGM each October. It's taken me to Warsaw, Prague, and last year to Malta–a delightful burst of late autumn sunshine. Even though the work is hard and the crew and I spent long hours locked up in dark conference halls, it's always nice to come outside into a beautiful environment under a sunny sky.

It started raining in Marbella within 10 min of me leaving the airport. Driving out of Malaga along the motorway that connects that part of coastal Spain, the rain lashed down. Through the running streams of water on the window screen, or was it the tears in my eyes, I saw a road lined with supermarkets, hypermarkets, all types of bloody markets. I started to know then what I know now–Marbella is not for me.

The conference was being held in a large luxury hotel overlooking the sea. Normally the crew stay in the same hotel. This year the hotel didn't have the capacity to hold all the delegates and the crew so we were stationed in a small set of holiday apartments just down the road. For small set of holiday apartments read “Maplin's"–and I don't mean the electrical suppliers.

There is nothing sadder than the English on holiday in the rain. Imagine arriving at the aforesaid apartments on Saturday lunchtime in the middle of a torrential downpour. I was shown to my apartment through a bar full of English people sat reading the paper, playing board games, and watching English television, gallantly trying to pretend that their holiday was still as much fun as they had expected in spite of the fact that they were now in the middle of a monsoon.

My room was small cramped and airless–a model of its kind. When one is working the long hours that one can work on corporate events having somewhere nice to come back to is extremely important. As director I suppose I work the least hours of anybody, as once I finish rehearsals I can head back. The rest of the group are busy reorganising graphics, finishing building sets, laying down new soundtracks, adjusting lighting and the many other tasks that have been made necessary by what we worked out in rehearsals.

The conference went well, and it confirmed my opinion of Marbella. It's a fur coat and no knickers sort of place. The hotel looks splendid full of chrome and highly polished glass, but some really appalling service and a general lack of finesse.

Spain must be a diverse country. Given the style and quality of our hotel and holiday in Valencia only 10 days previously, it was like moving from Highgate to Halifax.

My return to British shores was marked by a fabulous trip out last night to the big top on the South bank in London. We went to see “La soirée". This is essentially the award-winning show “Le Clique" under another name. Quite simply it's probably one of the most entertaining you'll see in London over the Christmas period. I think I've now seen it four times and each time it's been a joy. Every time we take people to see it they immediately want to go back and take people themselves. Richard has been working on the show since the very beginning and he's extremely proud of it. So he should be. It's a triumph and I hope that as many of you as possible will get yourselves along there to see it while it's there at the Southbank. Just make sure you visit the loo as and when necessary. It's quite possible you might pee yourself laughing!