Upselling Upset

 So we ended last week's blog with a report of some absolutely brilliant customer service from Amazon.co.uk. No doubt it left a warm glow in your heart.

I can also report that this week Richard has experienced some brilliant customer service from Apple. Both of us are Mac boys. This week we have downloaded the latest operating system - Lion. It didn't exactly agree with Richard's MacBook, but a visit to the Apple Store meant that they reinstalled all his software, helped him download the new operating system and got him up and running - at no charge whatsoever.

It was the installation of Lion that led to my own customer service experience this week. Having successfully installed the new operating system on my laptop and on my desktop I was having a few problems with backing up to a mobile disc that I use for  storage.

 So after rehearsals on Tuesday afternoon (that's rehearsals for “Wedding Band" a new play by Charlie Baker which I'm directing for the Gilded Balloon at Edinburgh and which opens on August 3 if you haven't already gleaned that) I wandered over to the branch of  Maplin's the discount electronics store just off Oxford Street. I love Maplin's. It appeals deeply to my inner geek. I think it's a little like a toy shop and I can browse my way through the cables, the electronic weather stations, the enormous range of batteries, and the gadgets that I didn't even know I needed to my hearts content.

So it seemed like the perfect place to locate a new external hard drive. I was looking at something I'd seen when the assistant pointed me in the direction of an offer. A new 500 GB hard drive for £49.99.  I'm the son of Yorkshire shopkeepers - I know a good deal when I see one, so picking up a large box of batteries as an added little treat I said yes and made to pay.

Now if there is one thing that I absolutely hate it is up selling. That flagrant and sometimes poorly executed demand to make you buy something else.

“Can I have a venti vanilla latte please?"

 “Certainly sir. Would you like a muffin to go with that?"

“Now I don't want a bloody muffin. If I'd wanted a bloody muffin I would have asked for a bloody muffin!"

It drives me mad.

“Would you like the case to go with the hard drive? It is recommended."

“No thank you"

“It is recommended. What if you drop it?"

“It's going to live on a table."

“What is it falls off? It is recommended"

“It's not going to fall off. I don't want a case. Thank you"

“  Are you sure? It is recommended. You wouldn't want to damage it."

“I'm not going to damage it. It's going to stay on a table connected to my computer. Thank you"

“Well I'm just saying that it is recommended you get the case with the hard drive........................................"

At this point  a slow red wash descended over my eyes. I don't have enormous patience at the best of times, but I've always thought that the fact that I don't suffer fools gladly is a virtue.I've always prided myself on my ability to communicate really clearly and in English so which bit of “I don't want the case" was not being understood I was finding very difficult to work out. However  now I had been pushed beyond the point of no return.

“Okay. Thank you. I think I know what I want to buy. I wanted to buy the hard drive and the batteries. I don't want to buy the case. I can't understand what's stopping you from working that out. I hate being sold things that I don't want to buy so please stick the hard drive and its recommended case so far up your arse that there is no danger of it getting broken"

I left the shop.

Next week I'm off up to the Edinburgh Festival  for the 1st time in 21 years. A brief visit to get the play on that I've been working on, and then I'll be revisiting later in August with Rich.

And it looks like there's another visit to Weatherfield coming up in early September-let's just hope they haven't got a branch of Maplin's there!