Breaking the habit
I 've always believed that habits are a good thing. When I'm in the habit of doing something, it gets done. Yet it can take so little to break the pattern. I'm very proud of having broken the habit of drinking twenty years ago, and possibly a little smug at having broken the habit of smoking nine months ago. Having done that, I'm still looking to get into the habit of eating a little less, but I'm pleading mitigating circumstances for the comfort food.
This blog is a habit. Writing it at least once a month is something I've managed for the last eight or so years, even when there has been little to say. The last two months have provided me with a lot to say, but not how to say it. It's been a busy time in ways good and bad. Some nice projects, and some changes in my personal circumstances. Losing my mother at the end of May was heartrending and shocking and yet, in many ways a relief as she had spent nearly two years on end-of-life care sleeping for most of the day and wasting away. Once the reality of her loss had sunk in, there was much to celebrate.
It is also a time to reassess. The end of childhood. Though I've been looking after her for the last seventeen years, the absence now of both a father and a mother does change your mindset. I hope that it's for the better. Turning the memories into inspiration.
When we set out in life we have an idea of what success might mean. For many of us as actors, it might mean our name in lights, or more likely these days, our name stripped across the front of a Netflix hit, or on a cinema hoarding for the latest Marvel franchise.
Yet as we progress through life, our targets change. It's not a question of compromise but a question of adapting. Our needs change. Our priorities differ. For some it might mean a change of location, but for others it's putting things in perspective. It's love and partners and family and security.
Part of success for me was making my parents proud, and I achieved that. With an understanding partner, the only person I now have to prove things to is myself. Challenge, explore, and push the boundaries. For someone like me, frightened of heights, taking to the air parasailing while on holiday last month was more than just a pastime. It was a question of proving to myself that there are still things I can do to move forward.
Thats what Mum would still be saying. "Don't dither around waiting for me, Paul. Get on with it. Live your life."
And Mum, if you're listening, thats just what I intend to do.
This blog is a habit. Writing it at least once a month is something I've managed for the last eight or so years, even when there has been little to say. The last two months have provided me with a lot to say, but not how to say it. It's been a busy time in ways good and bad. Some nice projects, and some changes in my personal circumstances. Losing my mother at the end of May was heartrending and shocking and yet, in many ways a relief as she had spent nearly two years on end-of-life care sleeping for most of the day and wasting away. Once the reality of her loss had sunk in, there was much to celebrate.
It is also a time to reassess. The end of childhood. Though I've been looking after her for the last seventeen years, the absence now of both a father and a mother does change your mindset. I hope that it's for the better. Turning the memories into inspiration.
When we set out in life we have an idea of what success might mean. For many of us as actors, it might mean our name in lights, or more likely these days, our name stripped across the front of a Netflix hit, or on a cinema hoarding for the latest Marvel franchise.
Yet as we progress through life, our targets change. It's not a question of compromise but a question of adapting. Our needs change. Our priorities differ. For some it might mean a change of location, but for others it's putting things in perspective. It's love and partners and family and security.
Part of success for me was making my parents proud, and I achieved that. With an understanding partner, the only person I now have to prove things to is myself. Challenge, explore, and push the boundaries. For someone like me, frightened of heights, taking to the air parasailing while on holiday last month was more than just a pastime. It was a question of proving to myself that there are still things I can do to move forward.
Thats what Mum would still be saying. "Don't dither around waiting for me, Paul. Get on with it. Live your life."
And Mum, if you're listening, thats just what I intend to do.
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