Ready When You Are Mr De Mille

A day on a film set conjures up all sorts of glamorous thoughts. 

And in some aspects it is glamorous. You get picked up from your home by a driver and driven to location. Once there, you are met and someone gets you a tea or breakfast and you’re shown to your trailer. In this case quite a comfortable one with a very nice shower room. You get changed, head to make up, head back to your trailer and then the waiting begins......

Many is the time that I have left home at sparrowfart for Rich to ring me at 10.00am to find that all I’ve done s had a bacon sandwich and a nap!

Some times if you’re only on a shoot for one or two days you can be very busy. It’s possible to shoot a significant role in a tv film or drama in very few days if they work you hard. On soaps such as “Doctors” I have filmed upwards of twenty scenes in a day.

A major American studio film works at a different pace. Three or four scenes at the very most slated for each day of shooting. On “Peep Show” which is very technical in its shooting requirements we shoot fewer scenes than normal, but even that isn’t as leisurely as a big movie.

I’ve just filmed a tiny tiny role in a remake of the movie “Gambit”. The original is a sixties spy caper starring Michael Caine and Shirley McLaine. This new version is scripted by the Coen Brothers and stars Colin Forth and Cameron Diaz. I can’t really tell you more. I haven’t seen the script for anything other than my scene, and believe me, if you look down for your popcorn, you’ll miss me.

So a lot of the day is spent by actors passing time. The crossword is a big hit. I think it’s the main reason I get invited back to Peep Show. David Mitchell and I have spent many happy moments hunched over the Telegraph crossword together. The kindle is an actors dream, and today at least two or three of the actors and background artists were holding i pads. All of these activities have to be simple diversions, that you can easily turn off from and get back to the real reason you’re there when the second assistant director knocks on your trailer door to call you to set.

Today out of the eight hours I spent on location, I probably spent two in front of the camera and the rest of the time I’ve been reading, snoozing, easting and battling with fourteen across.

It’s a strange life and it’s one that is not suited to all. You may have lots of time hanging around, but you have to be ready to give of your best at a moments notice when the camera rolls and you’re called....on set.